


san fransokyan horror story

by dansedanse (orphan_account)



Category: Big Hero 6 (2014)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, I will live to regret this, this has been a caffeine-induced crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-27
Updated: 2014-11-27
Packaged: 2018-02-27 03:51:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2677961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/dansedanse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Never leave your highly impressionable little brother home alone on a dark Halloween night.</p><p>In which Tadashi Hamada is punished for committing this very heinous crime.</p>
            </blockquote>





	san fransokyan horror story

The one Friday night they gulped down larger-than-recommended mugs of coffee, the Hamada brothers had failed to realise the consequences until it was too late; they were too high on caffeine to get to bed. So they had made the equally poor decision to “bask in the glorious wee hours of this new day”, to quote older brother Tadashi, by marathoning mindless sci-fi comedy films.  
  
Baymax had objected to this. "This will ruin your sleep cycles," he had insisted. Hiro had then pointed out the robot's low battery and asked that Baymax charge himself so he would be a “better healthcare companion”. So Baymax left the brothers alone to spend their sleeping hours, well, wide awake.  
  
The Hamada brothers' movie marathon worked out fine and dandy; they rolled about on the floor with tears in their eyes at the ludicrousness of it all and went to bed at seven in the morning. (Somehow, Aunt Cass remained oblivious to the whole affair.) However, worse was yet to come.  
  
The Halloween that year, Tadashi broke his seven-year record of keeping Hiro company every festive holiday night, on account of his having to work on a major invention for his end-of-year assignment. "Carpe diem! Carpe noctem, they say!" Needless to say, Hiro was most crestfallen that Tadashi could not stay home with him.  
  
"If anything, Aunt Cass won't be home! So you can do anything you like... Anything doesn't include wrecking the house and cafe, that is. And you'll have Baymax all to yourself!" Tadashi knew highlighting the benefits of being home alone to his brother was not entirely helpful, but it was the one course of action he could take. With that, he left Hiro to spend one lonely Halloween alone.  
  
Tadashi's hard work paid off; he was able to return home at eleven, earlier than expected. Hiro would most likely still be awake then; "the night's still young," he had said before, much to Baymax's displeasure.  
  
He knocked on the door of the Lucky Cat Cafe. If he were lucky, Hiro would greet him with a million-watt smile and tell him about all his exploits home alone. "Hello, I'm home!"  
  
Footsteps. Three, two, one. The door swung open, and Tadashi did a double take. Hiro's hair was exceptionally wild ( _“Aunt Cass would scream! No, even I would scream if it wasn't eleven at night...”_ ) _._ But that was small fry relative to the questionable orange cloth that wrapped his body. So startlingly orange and so unlike Hiro.  
  
 _So you want to channel your inner possessed woman from that one film? Two can play this game._  Of course Tadashi would rather sleep, but he owed Hiro this much -- entertainment on Halloween night.  
  
"That's a different look for you, huh?" Tadashi raised an eyebrow in part surprise, part challenge. _I wonder if you memorised the script as well as I did?_  
  
"Are you the Keymaster?" _Perhaps you really did. Damn it, boy genius!_  
  
"No--" The door began closing on him. "I mean yes!" With this, Tadashi was let into the cafe, his presumably deranged brother locking the door behind him. _Now we just need to go upstairs and I can snap some pics... Just what was he thinking with this?_  
  
 _Focus and follow the script!_ "I'm actually a friend of his. He told me to meet him here. I didn't get your name."  
  
"I am Zuul, the Gatekeeper." Hiro announced in a most grave voice.  
  
Tadashi had to freeze just so he could stop himself from doubling over in laughter. He only hoped Hiro did not truly buy into this BS. "What are we doing tonight, Zuul?"  
  
"We must prepare for the coming of Gozer, the Destructor." Here, Hiro turned sharply and marched up the stairs to the brothers' shared bedroom, Tadashi following behind.  
  
"So we're not going out?" Tadashi feigned utmost disappointment.  
  
Hiro ignored him and flopped onto his bed, bright orange drape and all. "Do you want this body?" A lazy drawl, laced with all the want he could muster.  
  
 _Hiro Hamada, are you_ seriously _trying to seduce your older brother with that outfit and voice?_   "Is this a trick question?"  
  
Hiro lunged and pulled Tadashi down under him. "Take me now, subcreature."  
  
 _Oh San Fransokyo, we don't wanna do that!_ "I make it a rule never to get involved with possessed people. Actually, it's more of a guideline than a rule." _As crazy as my younger brother is being, he's still, well, my younger brother._  
  
Hiro rolled onto his back, Tadashi above him. "I want you inside me." Much more forceful from before.  
  
Tadashi wrinkled his forehead in sheer disgust. "No, I can't, sounds like you've already got more than two people in there already." He released himself from Hiro's vice grip (“ _Since when did he become this strong?”_ ) and stood upright.  
  
"Might be a little crowded. Now, why don't you quit trying to upset and disturb Mr Hamada here and just relax. Just lie down there, relax. Put your hands on your chest. Yes. What I'd like to do is talk to Hiro. I wanna talk to Hiro. Hiro? It's Tadashi."  
  
"There is no Hiro. There is only Zuul."  
  
 _Ooh, here we go!_  
  
"Whoah, Zuulie, you nut. Now come on. I want to talk to Hiro. Hiro, Hiro. Relax, come on. Hiro, Hiro. Can I talk to Hiro?"  
  
" **There is no Hiro, only Zuul!** " Hiro boomed, in that unearthly voice Tadashi never imagined him capable of impersonating.  
  
 _Wait... Surely Hiro Hamada really isn’t some strange demigod from the underworld?_

_Focus, focus!_

“What a lovely singing voice you must have!" Tadashi rolled his eyes. He was getting tired of this. "Now I’m going to count to three, Zuulie, and if I don’t get to hear Hiro, there’s going to be some real trouble right here, I think.” As much fun as this had been, Tadashi would rather wrap up quickly. He would be lying if he said he was not in the least bit concerned about Hiro’s mental health, too. Sleep would be best for the both of them.

“One! Two!”

Hiro widened his eyes.

“Two and a half!”

Hiro growled, rising up from the bed.

“Please lie back down.” Tadashi’s tone bordered on threatening.

Hiro’s two hands reached out and closed in on Tadashi’s neck.

_Wait what this wasn’t part of the plan he’s not supposed to do this RUN_

Tadashi expertly broke free before Hiro could choke him any further, tossing a blanket over him for good measure. He hurried over to Baymax’s charging port. No, Baymax would not finish charging in time to help him handle this mess. _What the snaps, did Baymax know anything about this?_

In the time that Hiro finally got that darned blanket off him, Tadashi had already rushed out the bedroom door, down the stairs and out the café.

Tadashi leant by the wall of the café, catching his breath. He had no idea what he was most worried about: that his brother was potentially possessed by a creature from a sci-fi comedy flick, that his brother had tried to _kill_ him, that his brother was a potential threat to the rest of San Fransokyo, that he would be one of the _very unfortunate_  to experience the supernatural first-hand…

 _Is this what I get for leaving Hiro alone, on Halloween night no less? Really?_ Tadashi shook his head in disbelief. It was ridiculous. It was not even funny. It was so much more ludicrous than the original movie they'd watched, Tadashi could not bring himself to laugh this time.

_Shit just got real._

**Author's Note:**

> I had a cuppa at Starbucks at six in the evening. I could not sleep the whole night/morning, depending on your definition of that period of time. I thought of Sigourney Weaver in bed. You have to see Sigourney Weaver in bed! Not that kind of bed, of course. I got up at 3.30am to draft this. It is currently about 8am. I have not slept a wink. I have ruined the new journal I bought earlier today (yesterday?) with drafts that are nothing like what you see now. What a disappointment. It was a pretty journal.
> 
> Many thanks to Dan Aykroyd and Harold Ramis for the awesome script for the Ghostbusters (1984) movie and YouTube for that most delightful clip of Sigourney Weaver in bed. (Now that you've been spoiled, I'll just link you up: search 'there is no dana, only zuul'.)
> 
> I hope to make up for my blatant plagiarism with original work next chapter. Seriously though, if this isn't allowed, I'll take this down. Just wanted to share what I've been working on during that caffeine high; I've always wanted to write about Zuul. Initial idea was to write an AU in which Tadashi survives the fire but is possessed by Zuul (?!) I figured this would be milder material.
> 
> "Zuul, motherfuckers, Zuul!"
> 
> **I'm wholly aware the original Zuul possessed a female host, but I'd like to maintain focus on BH6 where I can.
> 
> Edit 3 Dec:  
> I think I'll leave this as a oneshot, mainly because I've lost the energy to write, let alone wrap this up in a logical fashion. (Have crackfics ever demanded for things to be logical, anyway?) No ensemble cast for y'all, then. I'll return at a later date to polish this then leave it be.  
> Thank you for all the support. I love you all.


End file.
